Must Read of the day: FOX Sports radio’s Peter Burns breaks down all 30 NBA teams

Today’s must read of the game comes courtesy of Fox Sports Radio Host Peter Burns.

Nuggets = The girl that got dumped, spent 3 months in the gym & showed up looking fine as hell at Spring Break.
Knicks = Skank that broke up a relationship then once she got her man, packed on 20 pounds & wants to stay in every night

Spurs = Faithful chick that cooks the same meals, wears the same outfits, but knows how to do that k!nky thing you like

Heat = Stripper that drives the Vette back to her apartment where the cable is out because she couldn’t pay the bill.

Mavericks = Hot Bimbo that you take to the Pool Party who hits on every other guy, then pukes & passes out on ride home

Cavaliers = Chick who still blames her ex for driving her to Camels & shoeless visits to Walmart, but keeps his picture up in the trailer

Celtics = Cougar that shows up at $1 You Call It Night near campus then does things to do you that your Frat buddies don’t believe.

Thunder = Cute girl in class that never talks, makes straight A’s, wears glasses, and you hope finally grows out of that A Cup bra.

Clippers = Chick who lives in an apartment in the rich part of town, looks crappy 6 days a week, but that 1 night…..damnnn.

Suns = Washed up bartender that was hot 8 years ago, holding on to the glory days before the bad roots and melanoma.

Rockets = Wheelchair bound girl that you’d might actually take out just to check it off the bucket list, and get good parking to games.

Jazz = Girl that makes you meet her parents before the 1st date. Has a Piano in the living room, and gives the[..] out hug at end of night

Nets = Girl you always clowned, but you just found out her parents died leaving her a ton of cash. You’ll poke her on Facebook.

Trailblazers = Girl that went away to rehab, appears to be doing better, but every time you see her now she has some type of cast on

Grizzlies = Chunky girl at the bar that plays the Solitaire all night hoping for some guy to have his 7th shot of Jager and go Slumpbusting

Kings = Chick who still drives the ‘92 BMW that her parents bought before they got sued for an illegal pyramid scheme. 6 Visible Tattoos.

Hornets =Chick you took on a mercy date because your parents knew she was going through a rough time. She stole silverware from Red Lobster

76ers = Chick that hasn’t washed her hair in a few days, smells like cheese, hairspray & regret. She sells your buddies really bad weed.

Raptors = Skinny girl that chain smokes, listens to Ke$ha, and makes out with her friends. She uses the phrase “Sunday Funday” 4x a week.

Bulls = Girl that takes charge. Tells you what time to pick you up, where you are taking her to dinner, and what position to[..]ume.

Pacers =Girl that constantly sends you Farmville invites, posts stuff on facebook like “Having the worst DAY” hoping for people to ask why

Pistons = Chick that was in and out of Juvy. Owns a $145 Softball bat, and has Pantera & K.D Lang back to back on her Ipod.

Lakers = Snobby former child beauty pageant winner. She’s heir to the 2000 flushes fortune. You want to hate her, but she too damn fine.

Timberwolves = Chick who once she came out of the womb was born to be an !!y accountant, owns 7 cats, and is excellent at Monopoly.

Warriors = Old wrinkly lady that lives 6 houses down, you’re floored when neighbors say that she used to be a Playboy bunny back in the day

Wizards = Emo girl that has headphones on everytime you see her. She claims to be anti-est@blishment, but you know her parents work for IBM

Hawks = Chick that bought a used 300M, then took decals off so people think it’s a Bentley. She often fights chicks at Denny’s after club

Bucks = You’ve had a class w/ this girl for 7 years. Never said a word to her, probably because she’s 240 pounds & smells like Pat Summitt

Magic = Girl that you know you should probably marry, but everytime you go out she wears a damn sweater & looks like hell without makeup on

Bobcats = Chick you hooked up with once. It was a Tuesday, it was cold, & you just watched 3 hours of Cinemax. She’s texted 11 times.

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