Shaq’s Best Jokes From The Justin Bieber Roast (cracks jokes about the Lakers & Chris Paul)
Astramskas, DavidAka VincentDa & RedApples fka Expiredpineapples. My alter-ego is a digital-marketing guy in Houston. Won editing awards & created obsolete flash websites that have been featured in mags like Sports Illustrated. Studied film & women at FSU during the golden age of hip-hop. Collects records, laserdiscs, sports memorabilia & toys. Father of 2 daughters that are more athletic and popular on YouTube.
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In case you missed Shaq’s appearance on the Justin Bieber Roast this past weekend, the big comedian actually had some great jokes for Beiber, but some of his best moments were shots at the Lakers and Clippers who were represented by Chris Paul at the event.
“I haven’t seen a more disappointing lineup since the last Lakers game.”
Here’s some of Shaq’s best lines about Beiber.
“Justin as a father of six you have to straighten up, son. Last year you were ranked the fifth-most hated person of all time. Kim Jong-un didn’t even score that low, and he uses your music to fuckin’ torture people.”
“Justin has a tattoo of Jesus on his calf. Why you gotta bring Jesus into your mess? That man has suffered enough.”
“Justin is worth $200 million, and in prison, that’s worth four packs of Kool.”
Shaq also took a beating from the other roasters such as Natasha Leggero, Ludacris and the master of roasts, Jeff Ross.
“There is a lot of star power up here. These men combined have made millions in child support payments. … Kevin has a Napoleon complex. Kevin, Napoleon was the leader of France. Ludacris, France is in Europe. Justin, Europe’s a continent. Shaq, a continent is not a free breakfast.” – Leggero
“Shaq is one of the original rappers. Meaning most of his albums are still in their original wrappers” – Luda
“Is that Kevin Hart or did Shaq take a shit?” – Ross
Shaq added to the Kevin Hart short jokes by saying,
“Kevin is the only celebrity with a star on the yellow brick road.”
Here’s some more funny jokes by the other roasters.
“Justin’s Canadian. He’s actually considered American, because no Canadian has ever been this much of an asshole.”
“The Brazilian prostitute that claimed she was with Justin told the news that he was well endowed. And that prostitute would know because so was he.”
“You’re not tough, Justin. I’m here to let you know that. I know you’ve been on Ellen 14 times. You act so much like a pussy on the show, Ellen tried to eat you.”
“You’ve become a cocky little shit. You are the King Joffrey of pop.”
“Selena Gomez wanted to be here, but she’s dating men now. Is it true you dumped her because she grew a mustache before you?”
“If Anne Frank had heard your music, she would’ve Uber’d to Auschwitz.”
“Lately a lot of people have been pointing their fingers at you—and those are just lesbians showing the barber how they want their haircut.”
“I hate your music more than Bill Cosby hates my comedy.”
SHAQ & BIEBER
If you were wondering why Shaq was even there, he and Bieber go way back – back when Bieber wasn’t such a hate a$$hole who deserved a roast.
Shaq used to have a reality show on ABC called “Shaq Vs.” where he would challenge other celebs and athletes in their field such as Michael Phelps in swimming or Dale Earnhardt Jr in racing. In the final episode of the show, he challenged Bieber to a dance-off, bowling match and a basketball game.
Cool right and Justin didn’t seem like such an A$$. Now watch this vid of him playing hoops last year.
“I’m proud of you. You have it all. You literally are a guy who has it all—except for respect, love, friends, good parents, and a Grammy.” – Chris D’Elia